At Last

Another Adoption Miracle!

Gifts

"We all enjoy giving and receiving presents. But there is a difference between presents and gifts. The true gifts may be part of ourselves--giving of the riches of the heart and mind--and therefore more enduring and of far greater worth than presents bought at the store." (President James E. Faust, "A Christmas with No Presents." Ensign, Dec. 2001 4)"

Birth Mothers truly give gifts. The gift is not only to the adoptive couple but to their Heavenly Father. They give the best gift of all- a broken heart and a contrite spirit-willingness to follow the prompting of the Spirit even when it means they are breaking their own hearts.

Blog Spotlight: The R House

If you've never heard of Mrs R and the R House, you are missing out. Mrs R is an adoptive mom of two and it is physically impossible to read through her blog without thinking adoption is the most amazing thing in the world. Her love and respect for birth mothers is humbling. I think she's probably done more to promote adoption on-line than anyone else out there.
She also has links to just about every adoption resource on the internet, for birth moms, adoptive parents, adopted children, and people who just want to know more about adoption. This month she's also featuring a blogroll of people (including yours truly) who took her National Adoption Month challenge to blog every day. I've spent hours reading those blogs and being both awed at how many miracles there are in adoption, and sad at how many wonderful couples there are who are unable to have children the usual way.
I think that's why it's so important to spread the good word about adoption to as many people as possible and make sure the whole world knows that it is an option for unplanned pregnancy, and it can be the most amazing thing in the world.
Kudos to Mrs R for taking it upon herself to change the world!

Blog Spotlight: United by Love

One thing I have discovered in the past few months is how many amazing adoption websites there are out there. I want to spotlight some of them this month, and since this blog here is primarily for birth mothers, I thought today I'd begin with United by Love.



United by Love is the birth mother branch of FSA, Families Supporting Adoption, an offshoot of LDS Family Services. The UbL blog has articles about adoption, links to birth mother blogs and other resources, and a regular "Ask a Birthmom" panel. Most recently it featured a guest blog by our very own Tamra, who wrote a great bit about adoption myths and misconceptions. If you haven't checked out United by Love, I recommend doing so. It will make you proud to be a birthmother! The tears are plenty today.
Its been a very long week of TAN DUVETS!
A long week counting down the days til Miss Mara turns one.
I havent posted Halloween pictures, soon, i promise.
I knew a package was coming.
All week I have been wondering what it was going to hold.
Josh & Lizzy always send the sweetest things
& the nicest notes.
So I have been anxious. . .
I arrive home & just feel like I need to check the mail.
There is was a little white box.
No one is home which I am glad for.
Inside I find a gift bag, so cute, for her birthday party.
Two CD's, 1 for Kristofer pictures of her & him.
Another with pictures from when she was born & just little.
* by this time I am sobbing *
2 letters....
First from Lizzy, she tells me how glad she is to "know" me,
she says Mara is like me, skeptical grin, easy laugh, resilient & happy.
& that Mara always gets 2 kisses in the morning & the night from her.
Second from Josh, he says thank you for their little princess,
how fulfilling this year has been for him,
& how beautiful his Lizzy is being a mother.

I just want to say, that when I state that I miss Mara, its not a miss like I want her back or regret, I just miss her, I miss Josh & Lizzy in the same way. From May to November I formed a bond with two completely strangers that no one really understands, except us.

Every single day I pray & hope that Lizzy is giving her that extra kiss from me * & i got that conformation today *. The last couple days have been filled with emotion & memories leading up to her birth 1 year ago. The emotional preparations I was going through, hoping I could get through the next step of getting her to her family. I dont think of Mara as my daughter, she is Lizzys & Joshs daughter. They are her mom & dad. She is My Angel, I am not her mom. I am in Josh's words :: The Woman who had enough Faith, Courage, & Love to make an Eternal Family :: & I wouldnt change it for the world!!!

Yes, my heart aches, I am only human. My heart also SHINES! When I see that smile, my heart lights up, my face gets those dimples that only show when I smile a honest happy smile. Although she is so many miles away, & kisses are far between, she brightens every single day for me! She is a joy in my life, she is one of the two reasons I'm striving to be the best I possibly can.

November is ...

You can read more about it here, or just Google National Adoption Month.

In honor of NAM, and since no one else ever seems to update this blog, I am going to sort of take over for November. I'll be posting links to my favorite adoption websites and reviewing adoption books and that sort of thing. Adoption is an amazing thing, and I am so glad there is a whole month to celebrate it!

Life

“Life isn’t always easy. At some point in our journey we may feel much as the pioneers did as they crossed Iowa — up to our knees in mud, forced to bury some of our dreams along the way.

We all face rocky ridges, with the wind in our face and winter coming on too soon. Sometimes it seems as though there is no end to the dust that stings our eyes and clouds our vision. Sharp edges of despair and discouragement jut out of the terrain to slow our passage…

Occasionally we reach the top of one summit in life, as the pioneers did, only to see more mountain peaks ahead, higher and more challenging than the one we have just traversed.

Tapping unseen reservoirs of faith and endurance, we, as did our forebears, inch ever forward toward that day when our voices can join with those of all pioneers who have endured in faith, singing, ‘All is well! All is well!’ ” (M. Russell Ballard Ensign, May 1997, 61)

Second Chances

I placed my baby two weeks ago (I blog about it here). I have been trying to keep myself busy since the placement, so I painted my living room this week; it was hard work. While I painted, I listened to the radio. Usually I try not to listen to the lyrics of pop songs because they tend to be stupid, repetitive, inane, or offensive. But a line from one song stuck with me.

I don’t know any of the other words to the song or who sings it, so I can’t vouch for its quality or whether it’s the sort of song I ought to endorse. But the line I heard got me thinking about adoption. The last line of the chorus says, “Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.” As soon as I heard it, I thought of how things have changed – for both me and Ruby – since I placed her for adoption.

I was content to be a single mother for quite a long time compared to a lot of birth mothers. My baby was seven weeks old when I decided to place her, and nine weeks old when I signed away my rights as her mother. But I have no doubt that I made the right decision.

I can’t know for sure how our lives would have turned out had I not placed her, but I could imagine, and the future I had glimpses of wasn’t the happiest one or the best one – for either of us. How could I keep my baby when I knew that if I did she’d never have everything I wanted for her?

Goodbye was, for me and Ruby, a second chance. A second chance for her to have parents who are married, who will have her sealed to them, who will take her to church and love her and take the very best care of her. And it was a second chance for me to be the woman I want to become and live the life my Father in Heaven wants for me.

Saying goodbye to my baby was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. But it was also the very best thing I have done – for me, and most importantly, for my precious baby. I am so thankful for the part that adoption plays in God’s plan for His children, and I am even more thankful for the Atonement that allows each of us as many second chances as we need.

Thanks for the ride ladies

***Disclaimer: This is a long one!


This last week I drove North on Gilbert road a few times. I passed Joe’s BBQ and remembered my first Face to Face with one of my birthmoms (you know who you are) and her couple. I couldn’t help but remember the excitement and nervousness of that day and how cool I thought it all was afterward when everyone clicked so well. I passed Oreganos where we had our first birthmother celebratory dinner. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go to Olive Garden again without thinking about two of my birthmoms. I can’t believe how much I have learned and changed in the past year and a half as I’ve been blessed to work with such remarkable women and watch them complete the impossible task of sacrificing their hearts for their children. I’ve been told more than once by people that they could “never” do my job, and wondered how I could hold it together working in such an emotional environment. What they don’t realize is that the things I’ve witnessed, though emotional for sure, are holy and sacred and have taught me so much about our Savior’s love and sacrifice. Some of you have heard me try to explain how I see adoption and my role in it, but let me try again because I feel like I have to let you know how much you changed me.

First off, let me tell you that when I interviewed for this job I was asked “Do you have a testimony of adoption?” I thought, “What is a testimony of adoption?!” and responded that I knew that the First Presidency has recommended that adoption be considered if marriage is not a viable option in response to an unplanned pregnancy, and that I believed that it was a good option. How little I understood back then! I can say now that I DO have a testimony of adoption, and I want to share it with you now.

To start, I hardly feel like I “made” adoptions happen or had much of an influence at all as to whether a birthmother chose adoption or not. When I’ve been thanked by a birthmother or adoptive couple after a placement, I feel unworthy of that gratitude. I think of birthmothers as standing in the shoes of our Savior when he sacrificed himself for us. When he suffered in Gethsemane for us he asked Heavenly Father to “remove this cup from me” as I’m sure most, if not all, birthmothers wish they could do when the time comes to face the emotional pain of separating themselves from their child, “nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” Birthmothers have very little they can do to prepare themselves for the pain they feel. They follow the counsel of our first presidency and the spiritual confirmation they have received that their baby should have a family to which he/she can be sealed, and have faith that somehow our Heavenly Father can heal their heart afterwards. They sacrifice themselves for their children much like our Savior did for us. He knew, and birthmothers know, that it needs to be done and it is done completely out of love.

So where do I and other caseworkers come in? When the Savior was suffering in Gethsemane and on the cross, I have no doubt that all of us and the other angels in Heaven dropped everything to solemnly honor and give reverence to him. I’m sure we wept as we watched the horrific pain and humiliation our Elder Brother endured. In St. Luke 22:43, it says that while in the garden “there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.” Note that the angel was there to strengthen Him, not take away or lessen His pain. It wasn’t possible for someone else to feel that pain for Him; it had to be his alone. Stop for a moment and ask yourself how you would have felt to be the one asked to stand next to our Savior during that time. Can you imagine the honor that angel felt when asked to go and be with our Savior? What a sacred duty! I’m sure it was emotionally taxing, but worth every second. The closest I can imagine to understanding that feeling is comparing the feelings I have had when standing next to you amazing birthmothers as you complete your feat of placing your newborn babies with their families. I couldn’t make your pain any less, and I couldn’t take any of it upon myself, but what I could do was stand next to you and try and strengthen you. I also have no doubt that angels stood in reverence as you completed your trial as well. Your actions and sacrifice, as were our Savior’s, were of eternal consequence to the tiny baby Heavenly Father entrusted in your care. He and that tiny spirit depended on you alone to ensure he/she was delivered to his/her family. I have been so moved and have felt such gratitude to have been the one to witness those events. Why should anyone wonder how I could “handle” such a job, and how little they understand when they tell me they “could never do it”? I have been allowed to stand by your side at your most painful and vulnerable hour, and for that honor I shouldn’t be thanked. It is YOU who I need to express my gratitude to. Thank you so much for allowing me into your lives and your adoption stories.

THAT, my sisters, is my testimony of adoption. I want so much to see our Heavenly Father’s blessings pour upon you and enrich your lives. I want to see you walk tall with pride and a personal knowledge that you are amazing and deserving of every blessing imaginable. I want you to want as much for yourself as you do for your child and to not stop until you get it! Working with you was an amazing ride I shall never forget. I consider each of you dear friends and you will forever be in my heart.

Love

Audra

Eternal Families

Evelyn is finally part of an Eternal Family. I am so grateful to be able to share in the beautiful day.