The tears are plenty today.
Its been a very long week of TAN DUVETS!
A long week counting down the days til Miss Mara turns one.
I havent posted Halloween pictures, soon, i promise.
I knew a package was coming.
All week I have been wondering what it was going to hold.
Josh & Lizzy always send the sweetest things
& the nicest notes.
So I have been anxious. . .
I arrive home & just feel like I need to check the mail.
There is was a little white box.
No one is home which I am glad for.
Inside I find a gift bag, so cute, for her birthday party.
Two CD's, 1 for Kristofer pictures of her & him.
Another with pictures from when she was born & just little.
* by this time I am sobbing *
2 letters....
First from Lizzy, she tells me how glad she is to "know" me,
she says Mara is like me, skeptical grin, easy laugh, resilient & happy.
& that Mara always gets 2 kisses in the morning & the night from her.
Second from Josh, he says thank you for their little princess,
how fulfilling this year has been for him,
& how beautiful his Lizzy is being a mother.

I just want to say, that when I state that I miss Mara, its not a miss like I want her back or regret, I just miss her, I miss Josh & Lizzy in the same way. From May to November I formed a bond with two completely strangers that no one really understands, except us.

Every single day I pray & hope that Lizzy is giving her that extra kiss from me * & i got that conformation today *. The last couple days have been filled with emotion & memories leading up to her birth 1 year ago. The emotional preparations I was going through, hoping I could get through the next step of getting her to her family. I dont think of Mara as my daughter, she is Lizzys & Joshs daughter. They are her mom & dad. She is My Angel, I am not her mom. I am in Josh's words :: The Woman who had enough Faith, Courage, & Love to make an Eternal Family :: & I wouldnt change it for the world!!!

Yes, my heart aches, I am only human. My heart also SHINES! When I see that smile, my heart lights up, my face gets those dimples that only show when I smile a honest happy smile. Although she is so many miles away, & kisses are far between, she brightens every single day for me! She is a joy in my life, she is one of the two reasons I'm striving to be the best I possibly can.

November is ...

You can read more about it here, or just Google National Adoption Month.

In honor of NAM, and since no one else ever seems to update this blog, I am going to sort of take over for November. I'll be posting links to my favorite adoption websites and reviewing adoption books and that sort of thing. Adoption is an amazing thing, and I am so glad there is a whole month to celebrate it!

Life

“Life isn’t always easy. At some point in our journey we may feel much as the pioneers did as they crossed Iowa — up to our knees in mud, forced to bury some of our dreams along the way.

We all face rocky ridges, with the wind in our face and winter coming on too soon. Sometimes it seems as though there is no end to the dust that stings our eyes and clouds our vision. Sharp edges of despair and discouragement jut out of the terrain to slow our passage…

Occasionally we reach the top of one summit in life, as the pioneers did, only to see more mountain peaks ahead, higher and more challenging than the one we have just traversed.

Tapping unseen reservoirs of faith and endurance, we, as did our forebears, inch ever forward toward that day when our voices can join with those of all pioneers who have endured in faith, singing, ‘All is well! All is well!’ ” (M. Russell Ballard Ensign, May 1997, 61)

Second Chances

I placed my baby two weeks ago (I blog about it here). I have been trying to keep myself busy since the placement, so I painted my living room this week; it was hard work. While I painted, I listened to the radio. Usually I try not to listen to the lyrics of pop songs because they tend to be stupid, repetitive, inane, or offensive. But a line from one song stuck with me.

I don’t know any of the other words to the song or who sings it, so I can’t vouch for its quality or whether it’s the sort of song I ought to endorse. But the line I heard got me thinking about adoption. The last line of the chorus says, “Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.” As soon as I heard it, I thought of how things have changed – for both me and Ruby – since I placed her for adoption.

I was content to be a single mother for quite a long time compared to a lot of birth mothers. My baby was seven weeks old when I decided to place her, and nine weeks old when I signed away my rights as her mother. But I have no doubt that I made the right decision.

I can’t know for sure how our lives would have turned out had I not placed her, but I could imagine, and the future I had glimpses of wasn’t the happiest one or the best one – for either of us. How could I keep my baby when I knew that if I did she’d never have everything I wanted for her?

Goodbye was, for me and Ruby, a second chance. A second chance for her to have parents who are married, who will have her sealed to them, who will take her to church and love her and take the very best care of her. And it was a second chance for me to be the woman I want to become and live the life my Father in Heaven wants for me.

Saying goodbye to my baby was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. But it was also the very best thing I have done – for me, and most importantly, for my precious baby. I am so thankful for the part that adoption plays in God’s plan for His children, and I am even more thankful for the Atonement that allows each of us as many second chances as we need.

Thanks for the ride ladies

***Disclaimer: This is a long one!


This last week I drove North on Gilbert road a few times. I passed Joe’s BBQ and remembered my first Face to Face with one of my birthmoms (you know who you are) and her couple. I couldn’t help but remember the excitement and nervousness of that day and how cool I thought it all was afterward when everyone clicked so well. I passed Oreganos where we had our first birthmother celebratory dinner. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go to Olive Garden again without thinking about two of my birthmoms. I can’t believe how much I have learned and changed in the past year and a half as I’ve been blessed to work with such remarkable women and watch them complete the impossible task of sacrificing their hearts for their children. I’ve been told more than once by people that they could “never” do my job, and wondered how I could hold it together working in such an emotional environment. What they don’t realize is that the things I’ve witnessed, though emotional for sure, are holy and sacred and have taught me so much about our Savior’s love and sacrifice. Some of you have heard me try to explain how I see adoption and my role in it, but let me try again because I feel like I have to let you know how much you changed me.

First off, let me tell you that when I interviewed for this job I was asked “Do you have a testimony of adoption?” I thought, “What is a testimony of adoption?!” and responded that I knew that the First Presidency has recommended that adoption be considered if marriage is not a viable option in response to an unplanned pregnancy, and that I believed that it was a good option. How little I understood back then! I can say now that I DO have a testimony of adoption, and I want to share it with you now.

To start, I hardly feel like I “made” adoptions happen or had much of an influence at all as to whether a birthmother chose adoption or not. When I’ve been thanked by a birthmother or adoptive couple after a placement, I feel unworthy of that gratitude. I think of birthmothers as standing in the shoes of our Savior when he sacrificed himself for us. When he suffered in Gethsemane for us he asked Heavenly Father to “remove this cup from me” as I’m sure most, if not all, birthmothers wish they could do when the time comes to face the emotional pain of separating themselves from their child, “nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” Birthmothers have very little they can do to prepare themselves for the pain they feel. They follow the counsel of our first presidency and the spiritual confirmation they have received that their baby should have a family to which he/she can be sealed, and have faith that somehow our Heavenly Father can heal their heart afterwards. They sacrifice themselves for their children much like our Savior did for us. He knew, and birthmothers know, that it needs to be done and it is done completely out of love.

So where do I and other caseworkers come in? When the Savior was suffering in Gethsemane and on the cross, I have no doubt that all of us and the other angels in Heaven dropped everything to solemnly honor and give reverence to him. I’m sure we wept as we watched the horrific pain and humiliation our Elder Brother endured. In St. Luke 22:43, it says that while in the garden “there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.” Note that the angel was there to strengthen Him, not take away or lessen His pain. It wasn’t possible for someone else to feel that pain for Him; it had to be his alone. Stop for a moment and ask yourself how you would have felt to be the one asked to stand next to our Savior during that time. Can you imagine the honor that angel felt when asked to go and be with our Savior? What a sacred duty! I’m sure it was emotionally taxing, but worth every second. The closest I can imagine to understanding that feeling is comparing the feelings I have had when standing next to you amazing birthmothers as you complete your feat of placing your newborn babies with their families. I couldn’t make your pain any less, and I couldn’t take any of it upon myself, but what I could do was stand next to you and try and strengthen you. I also have no doubt that angels stood in reverence as you completed your trial as well. Your actions and sacrifice, as were our Savior’s, were of eternal consequence to the tiny baby Heavenly Father entrusted in your care. He and that tiny spirit depended on you alone to ensure he/she was delivered to his/her family. I have been so moved and have felt such gratitude to have been the one to witness those events. Why should anyone wonder how I could “handle” such a job, and how little they understand when they tell me they “could never do it”? I have been allowed to stand by your side at your most painful and vulnerable hour, and for that honor I shouldn’t be thanked. It is YOU who I need to express my gratitude to. Thank you so much for allowing me into your lives and your adoption stories.

THAT, my sisters, is my testimony of adoption. I want so much to see our Heavenly Father’s blessings pour upon you and enrich your lives. I want to see you walk tall with pride and a personal knowledge that you are amazing and deserving of every blessing imaginable. I want you to want as much for yourself as you do for your child and to not stop until you get it! Working with you was an amazing ride I shall never forget. I consider each of you dear friends and you will forever be in my heart.

Love

Audra

Eternal Families

Evelyn is finally part of an Eternal Family. I am so grateful to be able to share in the beautiful day.

Outreach at the local high schools

I just wanted to share some of the feedback we've gotten from teachers at the local high schools we went to last year. Many of you ladies may not have participated, but know that hearing the true side of adoption has been well received and impressed a lot of young people and teachers who at first were very nervous about allowing us to come.

Some feedback:

Corona H.S.
"You were the highlight of the year according to the students!"

Desert Vista
(Last semester after we presented) "Thank you so much for doing your presentation to my classes today. The students were really engaged and were interested in what you had to say. So, thanks for taking of your time to come and talk to them! The birth mother that talked before the presentation was awesome! I had a student (that had been adopted) come up to me after and said that for the first time she doesn't totally hate her birth mother. She now can see that she was being so selfless when she placed her for adoption, it wasn't because she didn't love her. It's nice to have such immediate feedback and impact!"

Gilbert H.S.
"You guys were awesome!"

Compadre H.S.
"we would love to have you back for next year. I`m hoping I can work something out with a couple of teachers here so we can get kids released from class when you come so we can can reach a broader audience"

Mesquite H.S.
"I need to just let you know that you guys were FABULOUS!"

Marcos De Niza H.S.
"I would love for you to come back to Marcos and share your information. We had you last year and it was one of the most amazing presentations I have ever sat through. The students have a totally different take on adoption after hearing your birthmothers and adoptive moms."

The Adoption Conference in the Church News

Tamra got her name in the Church News!



Celebrating adoption - 'Letting love lead'
Annual conference strengthens all involved in the adoption process
By Marianne Holman
Published: Saturday, Aug. 8, 2009

What started as a quest for his mother's biological medical history in 1990 has now, almost 20 years later, become a major part of Troy Dunn's life, he said at the LDS Family Services-sponsored Families Supporting Adoption National Conference held at the Davis Conference Center in Layton, Utah, July 31-Aug. 1.
Brother Dunn, who has become known as "The Locator" from hosting a television show that reunites loved ones, spoke of the lessons he has learned while working in his profession — specifically about adoption.
For Brother Dunn, adoption is a large part of his life.
"My love for adoption goes back to childhood," he said. "It is a topic that is very close to my heart and very close to my life."
With a brother and mother who were adopted, Brother Dunn recognizes the blessings that come from adoption. He shared the process that his family went through as they prayed and waited patiently for many years to bring his younger brother home.
"My mom introduced the beautiful concept of adoption in a very simple manner," Brother Dunn said. "She said, 'There is something that is called prayer trading, and we're going to trade prayers with somebody. Somewhere out there is a girl praying for a good family for her baby. We are going to pray for a good tummy with a baby in it, and we are going to answer each others' prayers.' "


Audience members listen as keynote speaker Troy Dunn speaks during the LDS Family Services-sponsored Families Supporting Adoption conference held July 31-Aug. 1. The conference included workshops, panels and presentations on adoption.
From that point on, adoption — or as they named it, prayer trading — became a part of the Dunn family's life.
In addition to his personal story, Brother Dunn shared insights from his profession in which he has watched countless reunions of birth parents and children. He spoke specifically of the effect it has on adoptive parents.
"Never have I had an adoptee come to me requesting a search because they want a better mother. I hope that every adoptive mom or dad can take some comfort in that," he said. "It is a search for answers, not a search to replace their mom and dad."
He said that reunions between birth parents and children usually help the adoptees leave with a greater appreciation for their parents who raised them and a better understanding of the incredible sacrifice a birth mother made.
"I have never sat with a birth mother who was making the decision because they couldn't be bothered," he said. "I've only experienced birth mothers making incredibly courageous decisions under difficult circumstances. … I can't imagine the condition of my own family had there not been a brave birth mother who traded prayers with our family."
According to Steve Sunday of LDS Family Services, the annual Families Supporting Adoption National Conference has many purposes.
"A big part of it is to support adoptive parents, birth parents and adoptees in the journey they have taken, and to provide continued support," Brother Sunday said. "It is a way to celebrate adoption. To get together to celebrate all those who are involved. Not only to celebrate the adopted children, but to celebrate birth mothers as well, those who make decisions that are a huge sacrifice."
Phil Hochheiser and keynote speaker Troy Dunn, also known as "The Locator" on his television show, talk during the Families Supporting Adoption conference.
More than 400 people from around the country attended the two-day conference titled "Letting Love Lead." Workshop topics varied, ranging from affording adoption, parenting classes, being a birth mother who placed a baby for adoption, transracial adoption, to coping with a failed placement. All of the classes were to support every party involved in the adoption process.
"A lot of our couples are new to the adoption world," Brother Sunday said. "Many couples when they first come in don't know anybody else that has adopted. [Birth mothers] don't know another birth mother that's chosen adoption. They don't know what the process is like, and this takes the mystery out of the experience for them."
Not only was the conference a resource for anyone interested in adoption and their loved ones, it was a place for people who have placed a child to get involved and give back.
"Last year was the first time we had birth parents participate," Brother Sunday said. "They feel good about the decision they made and feel like it is a decision worth promoting."
Included in the conference was a panel of birth parents who have placed children for adoption through LDS Family Services. It gave personal insight to feelings birth parents experience while making the decision to place a child for adoption, and then subsequent feelings they experienced later after the adoption process was final. The participants shared their own stories and opened the floor to answering questions.
"I really want other birth mothers to know what a beautiful thing they did and who you are is not what you've done," said Martina Muir, a birth mother who participated in the panel. "I am just so excited about this conference. People need to know what adoption is these days; it is a beautiful thing. We can take something and turn it into something good."
During the conference individuals were given awards for their service rendered in the cause of adoption. Award recipients include: Tamra Hyde, Lon and DeAnna Kennard and Kelly Grove. Lois Martino received the hall of fame award for her development of adoption and a children's home/orphanage in Africa.
Participants and attendees walked away from the conference with a greater understanding and support for adoption as well as a love and appreciation for all the people involved in the process.
"I hope they all walk away with a feeling of what a great opportunity it is to be involved in adoption and what's best for the children," said Brother Sunday. "It's a win, win, win for everybody involved."
mholman@desnews.com

Come What May, and Love It

I love this man! He had such a great way of providing comforting words to those facing adversity.

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, Come What May, and Love It
http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-947-9,00.html

16 & Pregnant

Who'd a thought that MTV would have a story supporting adoption? Everyone keeps asking me if I've seen this, and I finally sat down and watched it online. If only more birthfathers could be that supportive! You ladies also probably know how glad I was that they finally did decide in the end to spend some time with their daughter!

http://www.mtv.com/videos/16-and-pregnant-ep6-catelynn/1615511/playlist.jhtml