Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Second Chances

I placed my baby two weeks ago (I blog about it here). I have been trying to keep myself busy since the placement, so I painted my living room this week; it was hard work. While I painted, I listened to the radio. Usually I try not to listen to the lyrics of pop songs because they tend to be stupid, repetitive, inane, or offensive. But a line from one song stuck with me.

I don’t know any of the other words to the song or who sings it, so I can’t vouch for its quality or whether it’s the sort of song I ought to endorse. But the line I heard got me thinking about adoption. The last line of the chorus says, “Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.” As soon as I heard it, I thought of how things have changed – for both me and Ruby – since I placed her for adoption.

I was content to be a single mother for quite a long time compared to a lot of birth mothers. My baby was seven weeks old when I decided to place her, and nine weeks old when I signed away my rights as her mother. But I have no doubt that I made the right decision.

I can’t know for sure how our lives would have turned out had I not placed her, but I could imagine, and the future I had glimpses of wasn’t the happiest one or the best one – for either of us. How could I keep my baby when I knew that if I did she’d never have everything I wanted for her?

Goodbye was, for me and Ruby, a second chance. A second chance for her to have parents who are married, who will have her sealed to them, who will take her to church and love her and take the very best care of her. And it was a second chance for me to be the woman I want to become and live the life my Father in Heaven wants for me.

Saying goodbye to my baby was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. But it was also the very best thing I have done – for me, and most importantly, for my precious baby. I am so thankful for the part that adoption plays in God’s plan for His children, and I am even more thankful for the Atonement that allows each of us as many second chances as we need.

7 comments:

LDSFS BP Group said...

Jill you are an amazing women! I have so much admiration for you. Love your post and your blog is very open, honest and well written.

Braden said...

Jill, Your an amazing woman, full of strength and courage. I am very proud of you. I admire your strength it took.. i look up to you... your blog gives me strength and encourgement...your post reminded me why i placed my daughter almost a year ago, thank you for reminding me why i did, its been a hard week, i needed it,I like how honest you are...

The Hatch Family said...

the last comment was from heather hatch :)

Angie said...

What a beautiful post! I must say birthmoms to me are some of the most courageous and Christlike people out there. You deserve all the happiness life and the Lord will bring to you.

Sharon said...

you rock Jill! I'm so grateful to know you and be part of your life. I respect your honesty and committment to following our Heavenly Father's plan. I love you my friend. sharon

Anonymous said...

Shinedown is the band, second chance is the name of the song, in case anyone was curious.

Mel said...

That was such nice way to put it "second chance" I like that. My husband was adopted & placed through the LDS Social Services here in the valley & I've always been interested in adoption.
Thanks for sharing your story.