I placed my baby two weeks ago (I blog about it here). I have been trying to keep myself busy since the placement, so I painted my living room this week; it was hard work. While I painted, I listened to the radio. Usually I try not to listen to the lyrics of pop songs because they tend to be stupid, repetitive, inane, or offensive. But a line from one song stuck with me.
I don’t know any of the other words to the song or who sings it, so I can’t vouch for its quality or whether it’s the sort of song I ought to endorse. But the line I heard got me thinking about adoption. The last line of the chorus says, “Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.” As soon as I heard it, I thought of how things have changed – for both me and Ruby – since I placed her for adoption.
I was content to be a single mother for quite a long time compared to a lot of birth mothers. My baby was seven weeks old when I decided to place her, and nine weeks old when I signed away my rights as her mother. But I have no doubt that I made the right decision.
I can’t know for sure how our lives would have turned out had I not placed her, but I could imagine, and the future I had glimpses of wasn’t the happiest one or the best one – for either of us. How could I keep my baby when I knew that if I did she’d never have everything I wanted for her?
Goodbye was, for me and Ruby, a second chance. A second chance for her to have parents who are married, who will have her sealed to them, who will take her to church and love her and take the very best care of her. And it was a second chance for me to be the woman I want to become and live the life my Father in Heaven wants for me.
Saying goodbye to my baby was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. But it was also the very best thing I have done – for me, and most importantly, for my precious baby. I am so thankful for the part that adoption plays in God’s plan for His children, and I am even more thankful for the Atonement that allows each of us as many second chances as we need.