I had always planned on keeping my son and raising him as a single mother. I was 31 with a job and a car. I did live with my mom but I could change that. I had purchased clothes, diapers, a bassinet and the other essential items you need for a baby and my dear friend was planning on giving me a baby shower after the baby was born. I had him on January 20th and brought him home on the 23rd. I loved getting up with him and telling him stories. I loved watching him sleep and playing with his head full of hair. Well on Sunday the 25th, it came to me that my baby Quinton was not meant to be mine but needed to be with another family who could raise him with a mother and father. This, as you can imagine, was very hard for me to digest.
I knew what I had to do and on Monday, Audra from LDS Social Services came to my house. I had looked at some couples on the website itsaboutlove.org and found a biracial couple that looked and felt right. (My son is half-black, quarter hispanic and a quarter white.) Audra called them and we met that night. We talked and after they left, I felt they weren't the ones to raise my baby. A few days went by and on Friday, Audra called and suggested I look at a couple named Steve and Angie. I went onto their profile and read about them and their family. I asked to meet them and at 7 that night they were at my door. They came in and I asked some questions and their answers were just what I wanted to hear. When I asked if they wanted to hold the baby, they both jumped to the edge of the couch with their arms wide open. I gave Quinton to Angie and she looked so sweet with him. After awhile, Angie gave him to Steve and that was a wonderful sight. This tall blonde white man holding this little brown dark haired baby was beautiful. He was so gentle with him. We wrapped the interview up and hugged each other and said our goodbyes. Audra called and said Angie's parents were in town and maybe we could meet them the next day, Saturday. I called Angie and we made a breakfast date for the next morning at 10. My mom, Quinton and I arrived a little after 10 and were greeted by Angie, Steve, her mom and dad, and her brother and sister-in-law and their 3 children. I felt the love this family had for each other the moment I stepped in. I asked Angie if she wanted to feed Quinton and she said yes. So we ate and she fed him and her mom asked if she could take pictures of him. We got to learn a lot about the family and their history. It was like we had known them forever! Angie gave me a tour of the house and I told her that I didn't want to leave. I just felt at home there. They gave me a wonderful book, For The Love of a Child: The Journey of Adoption, and each wrote a little note to me. As we got ready to leave, I felt that this was the family that my Quinton was supposed to be a part of. They loved him already and I was just there for a visit! As we left the whole family waved and watched as we drove away. My mom told me that she loved this family and I tols her that I loves them too and that this was his eternal family. We got about 2 miles down the road and decided to turn around and tell them the wonderful news!!! I felt like I was floating as we were driving. I told my mom that as soon as they see the car, they would know. We pulled up and I got to the door, nervous as I had ever been. Angie answered and told me we left the burp rag there. I asked if Steve wads around and she called him in. I got to tell them the most amazing news...
"You are his family".
The look on their faces and the tears in their eyes told me what I had just done for them. I loved this family and knew that they already had a love for my son. Her parents came out from the kitchen and we all hugged and cried and talked a little bit more. We decided to do the placement on Monday night at 6. They came out and hugged my mom before we left. On the way home I cried. More for the excitement that was to come than out of sadness. I also had to call and tell my sisters the great news. They were so happy for us and for Steve and Angie.
Monday came and we got ready to leave. My mom would be driving us to Quinton's new family and home. As we arrived, I started to get very nervous and I started to cry. My family and friends let me know that it was okay to cry and that they were there for me. When I walked into the house, a peace came over me. I knew that this little boy would grow up to be a wonderful man and a wonderful husband because these two people would teach him how to do just that. As I placed my son into Angie's arms, a peace and a reverence came over the whole house. For just that moment it was as if us 4 were the only ones there. My role as the mother was instantly transferred to Angie and for the rest of the night I was excited for the two of them and for my precious son.
Some people may say, "How could you give your child up?" or "Why did you give him to strangers to raise?" I say, "I didn't give him up, I gave him a loving family with a mother and father who are able to provide him with his needs and his wants." And "I didn't give him to strangers, I gave him to his parents." I am so happy for my son and for the life he will get to live from the hardest decision I have ever or will ever make. This tiny spirit has helped me get back to where I know I should be and has saved me from a life of misery. For that I am truly thankful.